Every minute of every day I have a headache. Sometimes it is just below the surface of constant consciousness, and sometimes it is bad enough that I can feel my pulse in my head and hurts to move at all. It tends to get worse as the day goes on. Certain things increase the intensity of it: weather changes, hormone fluctuations, stress, and schedule changes. Obviously, none of these things can be avoided.
I have seen numerous doctors and tried basically every kind of drug and treatment that is available for headaches: chiropractic care, herbal remedies, shots, inpatient treatment, IV medications, injections, nasal sprays, yoga, heat, ice, relaxation, distraction techniques, and even acupuncture. Nothing works. I feel like the lady in the Bible with the issue of blood; she saw many physicians yet grew worse.
My husband is the pastor of Newark UPC and is an adjunct professor at Urshan Graduate School. I am the Director of Children and Youth Ministries as well as the Music Director. I have 5 children, ages 7 to 14, whom I homeschool. I cannot just stop life, and I know that if I did I would become a depressed puddle on the floor.
So what do I do? How do I cope?
I have chosen to live my life. Sometimes it is a choice that has to be made on a day-to-day basis, sometimes minute-by-minute. I ask God that He not allow me to face more than I can bear, but even if He does, I know He will make up the difference. His Word says to take no thought for tomorrow, and I try to live by that when it comes to my pain. If I start worrying about how I’m going to get through the rest of life, it becomes too much. If I can get through one day at a time, that’s enough.
In the midst of my problems God has been so faithful. The 14 years that I have had these headaches have been the best years of my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, 5 beautiful children, and great friends. He has provided my every need, and I know He will continue to be faithful as I live day-by-day. I laugh with my children and my husband. I teach my children how to read and write. I help them with their Bible Quizzing. I love and serve the people at church. I continue to choose to live my life to the fullest.
I know that God is able to heal me; that is not in question. Whether He chooses to do so is in His hands. The faith of trusting God through a problem is as necessary as believing that He can remove the problem. I continue to ask Him for a miracle, but until then I will trust His strength and do the work He has put before me.
I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Originally Published in the July/August 2012 issue of Reflections Magazine.